Prologue from the novel, “tor’cha”
…I have been captured and taken to the enemy’s prison…and because I will not talk, the general commands his troops to prepare the prelude for the actions to be committed against me entitled…
Six years ago when I sat down to write this, I was in a very strange place. I was almost halfway through, struggling to breach past that point. Really, it was my worse enemy tryin’ to put a bug in my ear, telling me I couldn’t do it, couldn’t finish. Now I know that enemy was me. And I was so consumed with what some people around me were saying, with the entire notion of fact versus fiction, whether it was real or just a novel. It’s tough to write a prologue from that place. But now, I see the picture differently. There’s not a question as to whether it’ll get finished or not, because it’s here now. So being able to rock with hindsight as twenty-twenty, I figured it was a real good time to check in with y’all and really let you know what you’re about to get yourself into…
The one thing I’ve said in this process as it comes to a close is I really need to think about what I title books now, because I never want a title coming back to bite me in the ass. For truly, this has been torture on a whole lotta levels. For one, I’ve taken on quite a task here, and I don’t know if anyone else would have the heart to do it. I got a lot goin’ on here, and really, what I’m trying to do is bridge a lot of gaps. See, the way I look at it, we have been led to believe anything that has to do with Islam is deviant to a certain extent. For real…it becomes more about blowing up buildings and anonymous lost videotapes found months later that depict our understanding of Islam.
So I wanted to shed a light on Islam that hasn’t been shed before. And what better way to do that than coupling it with the Top Ten? See, the longer we continue to believe that Christianity is the only way, and Islam is not right, the longer we continue to spin the wonderful cycle of Willie Lynch coming back to life. Because all we’ve been doin’ is separating ourselves – with every little turn and distinction, every category and designation, we continue to separate ourselves from what is truly the goal…
But we know it’s not like that…
At least I know.
So I wanted to shed a light on Islam that hasn’t been shed before. And what better way to do that than coupling it with the Top Ten? See, the longer we continue to believe that Christianity is the only way, and Islam is not right, the longer we continue to spin the wonderful cycle of Willie Lynch coming back to life. Because all we’ve been doin’ is separating ourselves – with every little turn and distinction, every category and designation, we continue to separate ourselves from what is truly the goal…
Humanity.
So with that in mind, I wanted to talk about the Ten Commandments and Christian notions and how, interestingly enough, these are quite similar to the Fatihah, Shahadha and notions of Islam…which are also, interestingly enough, quite similar to aspects of Supreme Mathematics amongst the Nation of Gods and Earths. Understand what type of fact-checking situation this lends itself to. And since I’m the type of kat that can’t sleep right at night if one day I find out my words and deeds, writings and actions, are not right and exact, everyday has been a constant pursuit of knowledge: the continuous task of stripping and replenishing, destroying only to rebuild, tweaking and twerking, touching up and detailing so dramatically, my brain hurts. And if you knew me, and my brain, you’d know what that means…word. But it’s critical that it’s right, for everybody involved, because a conversation like this has the ability to really do a lot in the climate we presently maintain in, this sick-ass trap I call life. ‘Cause the way it works out for me is this – I grew up around a lot of dudes and even went to Sunday school and church with kats that wound up being criminals on many levels. Understand part of it has to do with the environment we’ve been placed in – but that’s different conversation. Christianity just didn’t do it for them. And, as we all know, that fast-life we call the life of crime – all that hustlin’ – only leads you to one of two places…
One is the cemetery, and really, it’s not fair that I’ve been to more funerals for friends than I have years in age…
The other is jail…if one is that lucky…
And really, you tell me what’s lucky about jail…
And I’ve seen kats leave for their jail bids as Christians and come back Muslim or come back God body, and be completely different. They’ve changed their ways, literally made the one-eighty, and flip scripts in a way that the community they were killing before they left is now the same community they’re trying to revive with CPR – hands crossed pumping chest and occasionally yet systematically stopping to breathe into its mouth. They politick with the drug dealers, and not to cop, but instead, to tell them to stop spreading the poison. They poly with the youth, and not to co-sign the “wil’ outs” or the “don’t snitch” campaigns of absolute stupidity. Instead, they tell them to stop the ignorance, to pick up a book and read, to choose a different option, a different lifestyle. Because indeed, they do have choices.
Now, how do I ignore that? How do I deny that and say it doesn’t exist? I don’t…
Instead, I live with the words of my brethren and family. One day, Din told me this: He said “…Todd, the way I see it, if you worship a banana…for real sun, if you worship a banana, and that banana keeps you on the straight and narrow…that banana allows you to do good in the world and to live right and just…and it keeps you from approaching me when I’m with my daughters and violating my family…then you know what, you ga’head and rock with that banana, I ain’t mad at you…”
Now at the end of the day, how real is that? We so busy runnin’ around trying to live out these separations, instead of really living life, respecting how sometimes differences help to serve the purpose of community. Humanity. Living right, together and unified. And really, why wouldn’t we all want that? Ain’t that what it’s supposed to be?
…I really thought that’s what it was…
So understand that to have these themes runnin’ through this novel and these ten torturous stories is not a coincidence or fluke of happenstance. This is what it is for me. Here I am, runnin’ around with at least three different sets of universal truths and philosophic virtues on my back, and tryin’ to honor each one.
But I haven’t even gotten to the stories yet…
And when I get to them, they’re all in the hood. You know I gotta get the hood right…you crazy?!? These stories, they take place in an environment that resembles my home, my peoples’ homes, so I can’t not get that right, too. I gotta make sure I give you the way the hood breathes, the way it exists and allows people to begin to exist within it. The same hood that teaches life and death, love and hate, war and peace, and even money and crime. The hood that never sleeps, and teaches people how to talk in a never-ending and ongoing event called slang and vernacular, sentences and conversation…and slows down, but never leaves anything out, never glosses over anything, like jigsaw puzzle pieces used to paint the full picture and make all parts stand whole. So that it never ends in the hard stop given by the English language…instead, it just…breathes…pauses…
“The only time a conversation ends is when a life is taken.”
Otherwise, it merely slows down just enough so it continues on and on…the same way three periods called ellipses do…and not for nothin’, that’s the trinity of my words…
So understand when you pick this up and read, there’s gonna be some spots that don’t necessarily sit well for the stereotypes and fallacies we’ve been given. Does that make it any more wrong than your way? Know that you’re gonna hit some points where you may really have to let that guard of yours down and walk through the hood for a little second. I know normally you may be scared, but you cool with me today, I’m the direct connect that lends the extended “ghetto pass” to anyone so long as you can say you walkin’ with me. And after the hood nods its head, and lets you through its entrance, then you gotta put down the other guard that allows you to say, “…ah, I don’t mess with five percenters, they think they God…” or “…nah, them Muslim dudes, I be seeing what they do on the News…”
Leave that home…
What it really comes down to is, you might not mess with the Gods, but if you listen to hip-hop, then you’re engaged in what is now mainstream popular culture; with that, understand every time you go to use the word “son” it’s not that. Its “sun” my dude – not a degradation, but the utmost form of compliment. I learned that back in ‘95 when I was told “I call my brother sun ‘cause he shines like one.” Its not “word is born.” Its “word is bond” – ‘cause your word is your bond, constantly connected to the notion of freedom…something my peoples have been losing for a minute now. Everybody stays talkin’ ‘bout their God U Nows, their four-pounds and four-powers. Know you get that language from the same Gods and Earths you said a page ago you wasn’t messin’ with…
…how ‘bout that, sun…?
That same language and slang you now use as a piece of appropriated popular culture (again, another whole conversation by itself, just ride wit’ me here real quick) originated in some of the spots you too scared to go to at night, came from some of the same people you swore up and down you wasn’t messin’ with. So now what you gon’ do? Try to flip your slang, change your whole language up, and wait for your peoples and your hood to catch on?
You wouldn’t risk that…so instead, leave that home…
…please…
And to the youth…my youth that are dyin’ everyday out here on these streets, listen yo, for real. You have choices, many of them, most of them you don’t even know about yet. They may take work, but the fast-life is not the way to get there. Stop bein’ led to believe that bein’ stupid is being cool. Stop thinking the way to be hard is to be shot at, or locked up. Stop thinking the fast-life is gonna take you outta here. ‘Cause it will take you outta here alright, outta here in a way you just don’t want. It’ll leave you dead and it has no remorse. And best believe when I tell you it won’t shed no tears at your funeral, won’t send flowers, cards, or even warm regards…
…it’ll just get to the next kat it’s gonna eat up and spit out.
So how ‘bout you take some knowledge real fast…?
Trust me, I won’t let you down, believe me when I tell you. If you take this roller coaster ride with me, I will strap you in and take you through it. You get to live at the end and ain’t no dumb long lines like at Great Adventure for my bang-out…and that’s word!
Just understand I’m bringing you through three different stratospheres, three separate but similar spiritual planes of existence, with a backdrop called the hood. I mean, after all, why have it go down anywhere else? That’s where I’m from, that’s what made me…and to be honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Know what you’ll see in this countdown called a novel is how all three of these worlds interact and combine, ’cause contrary to popular belief, the hood lives and breathes, thus these stories do just that. And broken down by the commandments, you’ll see seven chapters that deal with the way the world works, how man interacts with man. Then you’ll see the way the cerebral works; some things involve the way we interact in life on a daily basis. With that, there are also some things we deal with solely in our mental – our individual brains – in whatever closeness you may have with your designated “Higher Power.” That intimacy is not privy to the world for display, that essentially takes place in the mind. I know I’m askin’ you to take a real big leap and stretch to do that. It’s all good though my dude, you ridin’ wit’ me. As we say in hip-hop culture, you are now rockin’ wit’ the best. And not for nothin’, my peoples from the hood are wil’ smart – sometimes we just tend to focus our energy in directions that may not lead to the right path. That doesn’t mean the hood ain’t smart…it just means we’re not requested to use our brains in this way.
So fear not, I got you…just walk with me…
‘Cause at the end of the day, we all know we are supposed to live life right. If anyone has an argument for anything otherwise, I’d really like to know…
…I don’t care, but I’d like to know the thinking that paves the path of lunacy…
I share in this torture more than any of you know. Maybe that’s just the gift I’ve been given. It’s different than yours. But we all have at least one. I guess this is it for me. I suggest you find yours, instead of bein’ so fuckin’ busy worried about whether one story I bring to life hits a little too close to home. Why don’t you sit down and read? After all, it’s not about that. It’s about the jewels encased in this ink I’m sharing with you.
…for truly, this is my torture…
So this is how I’ll sum it up, in one scenario that everyone can see:
Imagine going to the movies, and sneaking into the second one that you didn’t pay for. You’ve sat in the theater and been patient, waiting for the previews to start, but you don’t complain, ’cause after all, you did sneak into this one. And now you’ve been there for the beginning and have gotten into the movie and just as the good part is about to come on, the usher walks down the aisle and informs you that since you don’t have a ticket stub, you must leave… “…please come with me…” he says…
And with that, there is no happy ending, there is no sad ending…there is, in fact, no resolution…simply a judgment day song through one-ninth of the greatest of hip-hop…which has fueled this effort for three years of burning…
“…torture…
…torture…
…torture…
y’all nigguhs know…”
(Method Man, “Torture”, Tical Part 2: Judgment Day, Def Jam Recordings, 1999)